A reluctant hug.

I want an escape. Doesn’t matter if it’s narrow. I just want to be let out. Just this once?
The world beckons, but this city chains me. Perhaps it loves me a tad too much for my comfort. It doesn’t want to let go of me.

But it’s monotony repels me.
The same faces.
The same places.
The same minds.

I’m hating this monogamy.

I see light, peeping through a hole in my room. It shows me glimpses of a new world – a world where I truly belong – a world where they’ll respect me for what I am.

For once, I want to truly belong. To somewhere. To something. A group, maybe. Or, an idea?

Doesn’t matter what it is, till it provides me a sense of belonging. I wish to amount to something. Soon.

I’ve been called names. Sometimes, a rebel. Or, an eccentric. A lost case.

This time I want to be called what I really am.
But I do not know what I am. Yet.

I’ll never know till I leave friendly shores. Till I face the world. Till I’m rough-handled. This city wants to suggest to me what I am. But, I want to find out what I can be.

At times, too much familiarity can scare you. It makes you wonder if you’ll never leave friendly shores; if you are damned forever to rot in the known.

The known scares me. Like never before. I long for a fresh lease of life. For fresh air.
I want to know more people. More minds. I want to make friends.

I want to know more of my kind.

But, what one can’t cure, one must endure. I have to put up with the unpleasant for now.

Till opportunity knocks at my door.

But for now, I must make do with the city’s love.

Not that I do not love it back. I do. But there are times, when you have to move on.
There are times when you must outgrow motherly love and affection to face the brutal world on your own.

For now, I have to make do with the city’s warm hug.
I must hug it back.

A reluctant hug.

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10 comments on “A reluctant hug.

  1. Beechmount says:

    Subh

    Finding yourself-finding out what you are and what you want is the most common desires amongst young people. I agree that (when you are ready) the best way to “discover” yourself is to break free of the bonds that has tied you to your childhood home. The search for “one self” is one of the most remarkable journeys you will ever undertake and often what you find is not what you expected. You will not discover your whole being-all of your inner self -all at once; rather, as you grow and mature, you will find new beings inside yourself, that you never knew before. Life is a journey of discovery, a long road that leads you to a final destination where the rear-view mirror will show how your journey went, without the ability to correct mistakes that we all make when we first set out on it.

    Don’t be lonely, seek out friends and try new things. Rebelliousness is simply a trait in a person that does not agree with status quo. Although often a perilous attitude, some of the greatest people that ever lived have had that trait .

    The “known” should not scare you-that’s the familiar old surroundings that one comes to depend upon in everyday life and take for granted. The “Unknown” however, should be more of a cause for being frightened. When I, as a scientist, look into the crystal ball for answers to the “Unknown”, I see predictions for calamities that mankind have never known, and with time, doubtfully will survive. The effects of climate change are presently only a forecast of things to come. The reality of it is quite another thing. You will, in your lifetime, see changes that even I cannot imagine at this time, so live your life and make the most out of it while you can.

    Cheers-Kenny (pessimist on mankind’s future)

  2. jannatwrites says:

    I can relate to wanting to see the world, but needed to stay put for now. As a child, we moved around a lot and I guess I got used to it. I’ve been in the same city for twenty years and I’ve been itching to leave for a while!

    The good thing about a city is that it can be made new by changing up our routines or trying new activities. Good luck!

  3. soumyav says:

    A quest for the unknown,the desire of going beyond the regular routines,dead faces, dull lives is always a craving of every heart! Sometimes being with yourself away form the world helps in seeking wht we strive for!

  4. I’ve been through this. A few years ago like you I too wanted a change – To move out of my city, to meet people, to make friends, to explore and to face the brutal world on my own.

    It’s been quiet a few years that I’ve stayed away from my city. I now long to go back to my city, to meet those familiar faces, to spend some time talking to them, to see how fast things have changed in a span of few years etc.

    As a kid you want to be grow up soon and become older but, when you grow up you realize that Life was so much better being a kid.

    So enjoy staying at home as long as you can. πŸ˜€

  5. NupurJ says:

    So well written! πŸ™‚
    Your writing just flows … And it is so easy to connect. Lovely! πŸ™‚

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