To Maa, with love and so much more. . .

FOREWORD : Sorry for the long post. But, some emotions need more words.

Today is “Mothers’ Day”.

Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to celebrate this day. When I was growing up, we never had these days. I particularly remember celebrating two ‘days’. “Children’s Day” and “Teacher’s Day”. Thats all.

So, these ‘days’ were never celebrated when I was growing up. But, its a novel concept. Its a wonderful idea. Earmarking a certain day to dedicate to your Mom or Dad is always nice. Having said that, I still haven’t wished my mom. I simply don’t know how to do it. It feels very awkward to actually walk up to her and wish her “HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY”.

Don’t know why, but it just seems too tough to do. I’m much better off writing. I know maa would never read my blog. I know this will never reach her. But I just want to vent out all thats welled up inside. There’s so much to say to her, that, if I had to do this face to face, I would be trying hard to fight back tears. So, blogging about it is much better:)

Well. . . . .
Where do I start?

“Hello Maa, this is your son writing a note to you. A note that will never reach you.”

“Ever since I have ‘known’ you, you have been this resolute, gritty, determined lady. With the pair of spectacles that are so synonymous with you. And yes, your sewing machine. The rat-ta-tat sound of your machine is so, so synonymous with you, Maa.”

“Every day I wish that I could be as strong as you are. Where do you get your strength from , Maa? They say, education strengthens the human soul, and enables it to face tribulations. But, you are not that highly educated. How, how did you have the audacity to look straight into the eyes of defeat and poverty, everytime it came our way, never battling an eyelid? How did you see us through all the torrid times, Maa? I wonder.”

“You have been wronged all your life, Maa, and consequences have compelled you to put into use your “embroidery and sewing skills” to support a family. To support my education. The skills which you had learnt in school as extra curricular skills, became ‘life saving skills’ later on in your life. Its painful.”

“Had you not put yourself through the grill, we would not have survived the harsh winters of life. But, now that I come to think about the torrid times, all I do is ask myself is how can a small town girl, without much education, face up to an entirely alien city like Guwahati, which was torn by infiltration problems in the ’90s? Language was a barrier, the city was unknown, Dad was almost dying then, and I was a toddler. How could you face so much, and yet not give up?”

“Perhaps, God is the pillar of strength of the weak. He gave you strength. And the wheel of your sewing machine started moving.”

“So did the wheels of fortune.”

“So did the wheels of our collective life, our household, which was once on the brink of breaking down. My childhood memories comprise of that small one room house we used to live in. Your sewing machine rattling on all day long. And me studying to the rhythm of that sound. My childhood memories comprise of how you used to feed us, and go on empty stomach yourself, because there was simply not enough food. My memories comprise of you sewing clothes all night to meet the festival order rush. Sometimes, you slept over the sewing machine at night, due to sheer tiredness. You toiled day and night, to make ends meet, to send me to a good school. I was your only dream. You wanted to see me educated.”

“Today, I’ve turned out to be a fit, young, educated, cultured, young man. I am intelligent, kind, compassionate and rational. I have a broad outlook towards life, I am a thorough gentleman today. I am capable to rub shoulders with folks from the higher strata of the society.”

“BOTTOMLINE : We have moved on. Things are no longer so grim today. We live in a better locality, a better house today. You don’t have to work that hard now. I have shouldered your responsibilities.”

“But, deep within, at the very core of my being, is YOU and your struggle, which lasted a good 17/18 years. Those are my basics. I never forget those days. And whenever I’m down, I remember those days. Nothing can be tougher than those days.”

“I remember, when I was in school with all those rich kids from better off families, I used to be ashamed of what you had to do for a living. But today I’m proud of you. I’m proud to be living with a champion. With someone who could be so selfless and fearless. I’m proud of you.”

“My eyes are full of dreams today. One of them is building you your own house, and handing over the keys to you – to end your struggles perennialy, to give you a fairytale ending. I’m sure I’ll do that someday. When I have an inspiration like you, I can do anything.
Love you Maa. Inspire me. Always”

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26 comments on “To Maa, with love and so much more. . .

  1. Monika Bakshi Singh says:

    What a lovely tribute to a mother!

    Please give a tiiiight hug to your mom, on my behalf. My heart is swelling with pride for you and your mom. Having gone through a similar childhood and youth like you, I can just visualize what all you wrote.

    You are a worth son and will always be. Your dream of gifting a home to your mom will surely come true. I can tell this because my dream also came true. We three sisters have gifted a comfortable home to our mom. REMEMBER: Honest dreams NEVER fail.

    Keep writing, and one day, when you publish your first novel, write a acknowledgement note to your mom, right at the beginning of the book.

    And yes, please read out this note to her, just to make her believe that her dreams are being woven and one day, they shall come true. Bless you from the depths of my heart.

  2. Thank you so much! I know you can relate to this best.

  3. The rat-ta-tat sound of the sewing machine… Not being highly educated… Language being a barrier in an unknown city… Sewing clothes all night to meet the festival order rush…. Sleeping over the sewing machine at night… There was so much of it I could relate to.

    Reading all this felt like I was reading my own story. There does seem to be such an uncanny resemblance between our lives and there is no wonder that you wanted to more about me. This post remains so close to my heart. I wish there was a button for 1000 likes. 😀 I read this out to my mom. She blessed you and mom wholeheartedly.

    The day is not too far. Your dream of gifting your mom your own home will come true.

    May God bless you and mom abundantly. 😀

    Keep writing…. 😀

  4. I can never thank you and your mom enough for all the good wishes.
    I happen to follow some blogs on wordpress and i have few mutual connections too. But i have never asked them to update their “About” page. But I don’t know why I requested you to update the page and wanted to know more about you. Now I’m only baffled to know that this little story is similiar to your story. Perhaps, we seek out like minded people and there is a sixth sense at work. God bless you, Allwin. Waiting for your posts:)

  5. Jamie Furlong says:

    A beautifully written bit of prose, Subh. You say your mother will never hear this but you should at the very least print this out and leave it with her to read in her own time. The words alone will lift her spirits.

  6. Thank you Jamie. I’ll try to do what you’ve suggested.

  7. Rajarshi says:

    u hv got a gd command ovr ur writing, u ve got strong hold ovr the language, bt abv al, u ve got a heart wch speaks man… Ds blog, no wrds… U ve made me emotional mate. Keep up the gd wrk… I wud b proud to say dt my childhood frnd is one of the bttr writers of the country, nd yeah i knw hs proud mum too 🙂 ur spirit wud take u places bhai…

  8. Thank you so much Rajarshi.
    You are one of those who know me from the darkest days of my life. You have seen our hardships first hand.
    How strange life is! It always comes full circle. Today you’re reading my blog about ‘those’ days. Thanks for the kind words, brother.

  9. Seemanta Mitra says:

    You know, I don’t emote much. But this post, as I was reading it, made me feel hollowed out from inside and then suddenly there was a great surge of adulation from within, for you. your mother, and your dad as well. My respect for you has just increased manifold, Shubho.

  10. Trisha Dey says:

    Now this is one post of yours that is so immensely heart touching… Somewhere we had all faced such emotions, actually hesitating to go up to Maa and wish her “Happy Mother’s Day” but very less could express it. And you did… Your words were so natural, so realistic and so similar to my own story for I have the same dream as yours… I sincerely hope that you fulfill your dream and I know you will… and trust me, even if you never read it to her, she’ll understand… We actually don’t need words to express ourselves to her…. Maa shob bujhte pare! 🙂
    Simply loved it…..

  11. True. “Maa shob bujhte pare”.
    Thank you for your kind words:)

  12. Beechmount says:

    Very touching and a fine tribute to your mother that made life as you know it today possible. My mother was also a seamstress, so I can identify with your mother in that respect. My mother told me that I would crawl into my toy box, next to her sewing table, and fall asleep to the sound of the sewing machine. That was during the Second World War, when times were very tough in my native country. There is nothing better-nothing more precious than those wonderful memories that our parents bestowed upon us through their love. Some day, when you are old and look in the rear view mirror, your spirits will soar, when you think of your mother and the sacrifice she made for you.

  13. Thank you. Thank you so very much.

    “Some day,when you are old and look in the rear view mirror, your spirits will soar, when you think of your mother and the sacrifice she made for you.” – these words left me with such a warm feeling.

  14. Reblogged this on Subh Dasgupta's Blog and commented:

    Reblogging an earlier piece. . .

  15. soumyav says:

    A heartfelt piece Subh! Am really happy to see a son writing the pieces of emotions together for his mother ,when every word that he speaks about her makes her proud and lucky to have a son like you. She is indeed caring and courageous who has seen all the storms of life and raised you up to let u become a gentleman in life with a background of studies,but what she has inculcated more is the values that I have observed since the last few moths since I have come across your blog and you. Best wishes to you!

  16. Dagny says:

    Perhaps you should hand write this letter and send it to your mom. It would wipe out the weariness of her struggle. She needs to know that you are proud of her.
    I know I need to know that my children are proud of me. Else, what have I lived for?
    I’m sharing this…

    • Thanks for sharing this piece. This was written a year back. Initially, I was reluctant to show this to her. But, on the insistence on many readers, I have actually read it out to her 🙂

  17. Phil Gayle_For Singles and Couples says:

    I’m not one for novelty days but I do think it’s nice to always appreciate those in our lives, especially our mothers.
    Well done on expressing your feelings in writing, why not try to read something to her if you can’t say it from heart.

    I’m not sure if you visit other Blogs and leave comments but you and your network are always welcome to pass by For Singles and Couples and share your thoughts. 🙂

  18. Jessica says:

    Beautiful, Subh. Your mother sounds like a courageous, inspirational lady. I’m sure there are many others like Allwin who can relate… I hope I get to meet both of you someday. Thank you for sharing this.

    • Allwin and I met for the first time, just a week back. It was an amazing experience to meet the person behind the great posts, and noble thoughts. I hope we can meet soon. It will be great!

  19. Harsha says:

    Great Post…really touched my heart.Neatly written.
    http://allresourceupdates.wordpress.com please do check my blog too

  20. vimal_kujur says:

    heartly touched by this…
    it just brings tears in my eyes ! Even though i had no experience with this relations but can feel through your eyes …
    You know ek din mai tmhare ghar me baitha hua tha aur tmhare maa tmhe aapne hathon se khana khilla rhe the @ that moment mere ankhe namm ho gaya n i remember my mam ki agar ho hote to sayad kuch aise he … Maa ka pyaar
    tmhara maa tmhe bahut pyaar krte hai yar i jus lv ur mom !

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