FOREWORD : Sorry for the long post. But, some emotions need more words.
Today is “Mothers’ Day”.
Well, I don’t know how I’m supposed to celebrate this day. When I was growing up, we never had these days. I particularly remember celebrating two ‘days’. “Children’s Day” and “Teacher’s Day”. Thats all.
So, these ‘days’ were never celebrated when I was growing up. But, its a novel concept. Its a wonderful idea. Earmarking a certain day to dedicate to your Mom or Dad is always nice. Having said that, I still haven’t wished my mom. I simply don’t know how to do it. It feels very awkward to actually walk up to her and wish her “HAPPY MOTHERS’ DAY”.
Don’t know why, but it just seems too tough to do. I’m much better off writing. I know maa would never read my blog. I know this will never reach her. But I just want to vent out all thats welled up inside. There’s so much to say to her, that, if I had to do this face to face, I would be trying hard to fight back tears. So, blogging about it is much better:)
Well. . . . .
Where do I start?
“Hello Maa, this is your son writing a note to you. A note that will never reach you.”
“Ever since I have ‘known’ you, you have been this resolute, gritty, determined lady. With the pair of spectacles that are so synonymous with you. And yes, your sewing machine. The rat-ta-tat sound of your machine is so, so synonymous with you, Maa.”
“Every day I wish that I could be as strong as you are. Where do you get your strength from , Maa? They say, education strengthens the human soul, and enables it to face tribulations. But, you are not that highly educated. How, how did you have the audacity to look straight into the eyes of defeat and poverty, everytime it came our way, never battling an eyelid? How did you see us through all the torrid times, Maa? I wonder.”
“You have been wronged all your life, Maa, and consequences have compelled you to put into use your “embroidery and sewing skills” to support a family. To support my education. The skills which you had learnt in school as extra curricular skills, became ‘life saving skills’ later on in your life. Its painful.”
“Had you not put yourself through the grill, we would not have survived the harsh winters of life. But, now that I come to think about the torrid times, all I do is ask myself is how can a small town girl, without much education, face up to an entirely alien city like Guwahati, which was torn by infiltration problems in the ’90s? Language was a barrier, the city was unknown, Dad was almost dying then, and I was a toddler. How could you face so much, and yet not give up?”
“Perhaps, God is the pillar of strength of the weak. He gave you strength. And the wheel of your sewing machine started moving.”
“So did the wheels of fortune.”
“So did the wheels of our collective life, our household, which was once on the brink of breaking down. My childhood memories comprise of that small one room house we used to live in. Your sewing machine rattling on all day long. And me studying to the rhythm of that sound. My childhood memories comprise of how you used to feed us, and go on empty stomach yourself, because there was simply not enough food. My memories comprise of you sewing clothes all night to meet the festival order rush. Sometimes, you slept over the sewing machine at night, due to sheer tiredness. You toiled day and night, to make ends meet, to send me to a good school. I was your only dream. You wanted to see me educated.”
“Today, I’ve turned out to be a fit, young, educated, cultured, young man. I am intelligent, kind, compassionate and rational. I have a broad outlook towards life, I am a thorough gentleman today. I am capable to rub shoulders with folks from the higher strata of the society.”
“BOTTOMLINE : We have moved on. Things are no longer so grim today. We live in a better locality, a better house today. You don’t have to work that hard now. I have shouldered your responsibilities.”
“But, deep within, at the very core of my being, is YOU and your struggle, which lasted a good 17/18 years. Those are my basics. I never forget those days. And whenever I’m down, I remember those days. Nothing can be tougher than those days.”
“I remember, when I was in school with all those rich kids from better off families, I used to be ashamed of what you had to do for a living. But today I’m proud of you. I’m proud to be living with a champion. With someone who could be so selfless and fearless. I’m proud of you.”
“My eyes are full of dreams today. One of them is building you your own house, and handing over the keys to you – to end your struggles perennialy, to give you a fairytale ending. I’m sure I’ll do that someday. When I have an inspiration like you, I can do anything.
Love you Maa. Inspire me. Always”