The Great Indian Male Ego

Foreword:

Blogs don’t need forewords. But this one did. This topic is so controversial that I needed some thinking and re-thinking before posting it. I don’t intentionally choose controversial topics, I just write about topics close to my heart. And this one definitely is. Firstly, if you are an Indian male, this is not representative of you, or the Indian male population at large. But you will have to agree with me, when I say that a large section of our men are still like the protagonist here, Pappu. This is written about them. Secondly, some might target me for being unpatriotic after reading this, but, I don’t need to prove my patriotism to them.
Thirdly, this isn’t a contemporary read, if you are someone who lives in the Metro cities of India, or atleast in the larger cities of India. The characters, however are still very real if you consider men from the smaller, rural areas. But again, it is not a sweeping generalisation. Again, please don’t sue me if you are a woman offended by the characterisation of the Indian woman as meek, and submissive. Well, you see this is not an educated and emancipated Indian woman, but a lady bereft of all such privileges.
Finally, if you can relate to this, or find a little bit of Pappu inside you, kill it! Immediately! If you feel as strongly as I do about this, then please do something about it.

THE GREAT INDIAN MALE EGO:

 If there’s anything greater than the Great Wall of China, then it’s the Great Indian Male Ego. And I’m not taking a dig at everything that is Chinese. It’s an honest statement, and an honest observation.

You already know what I’m talking about, if you are an Indian. If you are from outside the country, then it will take you some reading to get what I’m trying to drive at. Be with me.

Okay, let’s start at where it all starts – the birth of a baby boy. Let’s call that baby boy Pappu. It is an event that is most desirable in all Indian households, and much preferred over the birth of a girl child. Why?

Quite obviously, he will rake in the money (read dowry, welcome to India), when he is of a marriageable age. Plus, he will be the “sahara” (support) of his folk, when they grow old, and eccentric.

So, there on, starts a life-long journey of pampering and spoiling the “Raja beta” (Prince, roughly in English). He always gets the bigger gifts, the leg-piece of the chicken cooked in the house, the newest toy gun in the market. And, in poor families, the right to go to school, while his sisters learn to sacrifice, to suppress their wishes, and to keep their heads down.

Pappu grows up, learning that women are second class citizens, not to be respected, or considered. When he is a school going teenager, he gleefully teases the girls of his age, calling them names, along with his friends.

Slowly, as age increases, so does his confidence. When he is a college going boy, the teasing slowly starts to border on eve-teasing. But, no reprimands from the lop-sided society, and Pappu is now scot-free. He watches porn with his friends and gets the wrong idea that all western women are out there on the look out for casual sex, and they are “easy”.

Lust takes over. His eyes are now leery, and he is into groping and stalking women, Desi and foreigners. It is morons like him that make coming to India such a traumatic experience for Western women. He can now visually rape women. He treats the streets as his Daddyji’s property and pisses anywhere he wants, gleefully letting his appendage out in the open for some air. He is spooky and scares the hell out of women. He is from the school of thought that believes that if women dress in a revealing manner, they are asking to be raped, and that’s what they should get!!! He is the part of certain polarizing political parties that like to beat up women on Valentines’ Day.

Pappu has arrived, and he is here to stay.

Then comes a day when Pappu is married off (for starters, yes, men like Pappu get married too!).  This is the first ‘achievement‘of his otherwise useless life, for he brings lakhs of rupees in dowry, along with plenty of gifts in kind from the bride’s family. His family is on the moon, for along with the cash and the gifts, he has also brought a lady to help with the household work(his wife).

Pappu is on the moon too, for he has a sex slave now, and all he dreams about is the night. Night is the time when most of the injustice happens, but I shall not venture into that. Let your imagination run wild. Imagine a moron like Pappu (with zero respect for women), and a typically submissive Indian woman, together in a room at night, and the rest is up to your fertile imagination.

Now, a married man, Pappu indulges in all pleasures carnal, comes home drunk, beats his wife, gleefully. Birth control goes out of the window, and he reproduces more and more Pappu’s , and the vicious cycle of The Great Indian Male Ego continues.   

 

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33 comments on “The Great Indian Male Ego

  1. Wow, thats a little history lesson there. Very interesting indeed!

  2. Jamie says:

    I’m glad you brought this subject up before me because I’ve been meaning to blog about this for ages. As an Englishman living in India for two years the Male Indian Ego is something I see on a daily basis.

    I believe it is borne out of a few issues.

    1) Immaturity. The behaviour of some/many (not all) Indian men is the way western boys behave around about the ages of 11-16, before they grow up and leave home. They are indulged by their family and given special treatment precisely because they are male, as you point out.

    2) This in turn gives them a false sense of reality. I have met so many young Indian men who strut around believing they are the star of a Bollywood film and expect riches to fall into their lap without hard work and effort. I know a few 20-something men who complain because they have to work to earn money. I can only assume this is because of their upbringing and the way in which they are indulged.

    3) The rights of women in India. Quite simply women are not treated equally. They are still expected to get married (early), have kids and look after the house whilst the Indian Man can continue with his Indian Male Ego without compromise. The rate of domestic abuse in India is terrifying. Why does this happen? Because the man believes himself to be more important than his wife. I’ve had this conversation with Indian men who nod in agreement… all the while sipping a beer as their wife is at home stuck with the kids, preparing his dinner.

    I am not saying this only happens in India, and my observation is only because it is where I live at the moment, but I have noticed how some Indian men say one thing but mean another. If Indian men want to be part of the western world, which clearly they do by their adoption of ‘western’ trends, they need to grow up and become real men. A real man is someone who treats women with complete equality.

    Until women are treated equally the Male Indian Ego will continue to dominate for many generations to come… and that’s a sad thing.

    • Hello Charlotte and Jamie! Phew ! Just completed editing this piece and adding a third stanza in the foreword, lest I end up in trouble!

      Its taken a lot of courage to write this piece. Sadly, it is the pampered upbringing that is responsible for the way some Indian men are. No denying, no hiding, the simple truth- THEY NEED TO CHANGE. The sooner , the better. Thanks for taking out time to read and comment.

      And yes Jamie, I agree that there is a lot of hypocrisy when it comes to adopting “westernisation”.

    • Catalina c/Corazón de Melón says:

      I think they can find ways to improve their society on their own ways, and that will really start when women start standing on their own feet and stop actively giving preference to men over their own gender. I don’t think there’s any need to emulate Western culture nor to imply that being a REAL man means one is following the Western ways. That’s not just completely ethnocentric and culturally insensitive but also wrong and insulting.

      What I think is, for India to change those things, they could do a couple things:

      1. Get completely rid of dowry as that will stop families from seeing a daughter as a-baggage-they-will-eventually-have-to-pay-to-get-rid-off and a son as the-means-to-get-substantial-assets-by-marrying-him-off, all of which which will prevent female infanticides.

      2. Stop the practice of bringing the newly-wed wife to the husband’s family house as being a person who is not familiar with anybody there (because of arranged marriages) makes her the perfect target for aggression and abuse not only from the “spoiled” husband but also from the in laws. After all, she is only a stranger in a house with old memories and a history…BUT, she sacrificed her own comfortableness at home, with her family to come live there with strangers herself.

      3. Let women work so that they won’t have to subject themselves to miserable lives just because they cannot afford to live alone.

      4. Forget about shame and those hypocrisies. What’s more important any way, your own well being and self-fulfillment, or whatever a person who-doesn’t-even-know-you-and-will-judge-you-no-matter-what says and thinks? Learn to stand up for what YOU want instead of submitting to the opinion of the rest. You ARE a human being with his own needs, likes and dislikes AND you are unique in your own ways. Besides, the others are not in your shoes. They don’t know what it feels to be you. Whether you get harmed or feel stisfaction, they WON’T know how it actually feels. There are very few real empathetic people in the world.

      Yeah, yeah, I know…it’s easier said than done, but it all starts with willingness, determination, AND making changes at home.

      • Hello Catalina. I agree its easier said than done. But the biggest deterrent is that people don’t even realise that we have a REAL problem at hands. Hope that things will change.

      • Catalina c/Corazón de Melón says:

        Subhabrata, most people in every part of the world fear change and THINK their ways are the best because they have grown up believing so. And I’m no one to judge them for believing what they were raised to believe. However, it takes ONE person within them who questions why things have to be the way they are, to start changing things, even if it is at a slow pace and the real changes are palpable only by the future generations. We cannot expect changes to occur overnight, but we can give our two cents if we want things to improve even if we don’t expect to see drastic changes…because your descendants will.

        So, please, don’t underestimate your power in achieving this. You have taken the most difficult step, which is, instead of mentally conforming to the norms, acknowledging THERE IS a problem to be solved. Now, you could try to create awareness. If you are vocal about your ideas, you’ll realize there are more people around you who agree with you, even if out of pessimism and fear of shame (this is a very powerful tool against change there it seems) they don’t admit it publicly. That could be a good start. However, the most significant changes will come when it comes for you to get married and raise your kids. Are you willing to say NO to receiving dowry? Are you willing to not expect your wife to be the one making all the sacrifices? Are you willing to stand up to your parents if they mistreat your her? Are you willing to reduce your parents interference in your married life? Are you willing to, if you have them, treat your daughters and sons equally, without giving preference to one over the other because of their gender? Are you willing to teach your son, if you have one, to learn to see for himself without expecting a woman to serve him? Are you willing to give up any dowry for him? Are you willing to teach your daughter, if you have one, to firmly oppose to give dowry even if she has to wait longer for someone who values her for what she is and not for what she will bring with herself to the new home? Are you willing to teach her to stand up for herself and not letting anyone abuse her even if she has to divorce? Are you willing to ignore others’ opinions when it comes to choose something that makes you and your beloved ones feel fulfilled insight and out? Are you willing to…? If you are, that’s great. You won’t be changing the whole country or even your neighborhood, but you will be setting an example that will open the eyes of others. They will think, if he did it, I can do it as well. And slowly, there will be more change.

        But I said, changes are much easier said than done, but with determination and will, everything is possible. Besides, real changes start with our own actions. But the question remains, are we willing to give up some societal benefits and face potential social pressure for following our hearts and the ideas we think will bring more justice?

      • Yes Catalina, I am willing to be the change that I expect to see in the society. My bit doesn’t end with writing blogs:)

  3. Hey Jamie , do complete your blog on the same topic soon. Will like to get a foreigner’s view of the things!

  4. Jamie Furlong says:

    Subhabrata – did you see my status update on Facebook today? Take a look at the incident that happened to Liz and myself on the streets of Cochin. It’s pretty much what I was going to blog about!

    Public link here: https://www.facebook.com/followtheboat/posts/287521801330757

  5. Jamie Furlong says:

    Hi Subhabrata – did you see my status update on Facebook today? The one about the incident Liz and I were involved in? It’s pretty much the blog post I was going to write:

    Public link here: https://www.facebook.com/followtheboat/posts/287521801330757

  6. Hi Jamie. Just read your article on facebook. Very nicely written. I love the maturity that you showed by not dragging the kid to some Indian prison. Let me tell you, you could have easily done that. And the crowd would have supported the white man.

    Also, I like the way in which you acknowledge that though you love India, there are certain areas that need reform. The main problem in India is when we say “Mera Bharat Mahaan”, we refuse to acknowledge the dark sides we still have. That doesn’t help in solving the problem. Good work.

  7. Jaydei says:

    http://jaydei.wordpress.com/2011/11/03/as-an-equalist/ Women are equally responsible for the continuation of patriarchy.

    • Jamie Furlong says:

      You mean by purposely not allowing themselves equal rights, by purposely allowing themselves to be victims of unprecedented domestic abuse and so on? Next you’ll be telling us the victims of the black slave trade were equally responsible for their plight, or that the Jews were equally responsible for the Holocaust. My god, what an utter pile of tosh, Jaydei. Get real, FFS.

      • Jaydei says:

        Uhm, I meant they are aggressors towards younger women who believe in equality, just as the men are. And that is why I attached the link, it explains in more detail….
        And….I hope I never actually meet someone who believes what you just mistook me to believe!

        Have a bit more faith in people´s sanity, won´t you?

      • Jamie Furlong says:

        I overlooked the link and have replied on your post, Jaydei. Cheers.

  8. Hi Janani didi, just read your article. Can’t believe this has actually happened, that too, at St. Joshep’s! Incredible India, indeed!

  9. Liz Cleere says:

    Hi, I am Liz, Jamie’s wife. We never lose sight of the suffering of women in India (and many other countries in the world) even though there are many things we love here.
    Remember that the brave, liberated women of the west are still very new to this ‘equal’ world — we have not even had the right to vote for one hundred years yet. It was only in the sixties that women in the US and Europe started to take responsibility for their lives and to work together en masse (with the support of some men) to fight for equality. Sisters in the west want to help their sisters in the east.
    It has been great to meet people like Govind Rathore in Jodhpur in our travels. Heo is doing good work to help women. We need more men like him and you, Subh.
    Govind Rathore, a Rajput Gentleman: http://www.lizcleere.com/2011/02/a-rajput-gentleman/

  10. Hi Liz. Thanks a bunch for sharing the link. It is very inspiring. Someday, I hope to emulate what Govind Rathore has done. May the Almighty bless me with courage. Thanks for stopping by and inspiring me.

  11. Diana Soh says:

    Indian mothers-in-laws perpetuate the giant Indian Male Ego. Married to a western educated Indian man from Singapore, but bitchy mother-in-law keeps trying to break us up by feeding and stroking his ego. Fights arises because I would not let him get away with it.

  12. That’s the best thing to do. Don’t let him get away with it.
    Keep showing the truth to him and compel him to introspect. Don’t be a silent victim.

  13. Dude, I really really like your post. I’m an NRI living in Gurgaon, female I might add, and because I’m female, I find it next to impossible living here. Happened to meet up with a rape incident. I notice the machismo your talking about 24/7. I hope in time things can improve..

  14. Zini says:

    Hello Subhabrata, India man writing about Indian Male Ego. Takes courage. Keep writing!

    Is it true that among Indian men Marathi men are worst when it comes to male ego? I narrated my experience with a friend from Mumbai and he told me that Marathi men are the worst.

    • Hey! Sorry for the delayed response.

      I do not know if that thing about Marathi men is true, but truly speaking, this is more about a certain thought process.

      That thought process might manifest itself in Marathi men, Rajasthani men, Garhwali men, Taiwanese men – any men, and even women.

      Thanks!

    • NG says:

      Wow I am a victim of serious domestic violence and I can’t believe men hav the couhonas to begin a blog like this !!! Bravo ! Speaking about Marathi male ego, the biggest inflated ego this side of the suez belongs to Dhe Punjaabiii man bheji !

  15. bluestockings19 says:

    Reblogged this on bleustokcings and commented:
    I agree with each and every word written here!

  16. There is a debate in the UK regarding the issue of gender based abortions which is, I know a hot potato in India and China. In the UK some doctors have been performing gender based abortions (on girls). Some are frightened to discuss the issue due to fears of being seen as culturally insensative as the issue arises, almost exclusively within the Asian community in the UK. Obviously most Asian families resident in the UK do not practice gender based abortion but the fact that some people feel it is acceptable to terminate a pregnancy merely because the child is a girl is extremely worrying. On a separate though related issue I have noticed that it is quite common for ladies from Goa to date western men which is perhaps down to the fact that most Goans are Catholics and it is easier for them to date outside their ethnic group than it is for Muslims or Hindhus.

  17. tinafriesen says:

    Thank you for visiting my site and following me. You are very brave to tackle such controversial issue. I was fasciated by your article and the comments, and by Liz Cleere’s article on a Rajput Gentleman. The others links were “not found” when I clicked on them.

    I grew up in Canada in a home where the patriarchal mindset was prominent. As a girl I always felt my brothers were favored. I was not encouraged to continue my education and, according to my father, my future depended on getting married. The issues were not as severe as in India, however. But no woman wants to think her only value lies in bearing children and serving her husband.

    In my own marriage my husband and I have an equal relationship with mutual respect and sharing of responsibility. However, we had to address old habits and thought patterns to get to this place.

    I just want to make a note that society does not change for the good in every respect when women obtain equal status. I am in favor of equal pay for equal work and voting rights for women. But in western society, now that most women consider themselves “liberated,” there is a lot of pressure for them to be in the workforce. With more people in the workforce, competing for jobs, wages are lower. Many families are now forced to have two incomes.

    Yes, the egotistical, self-centred male wants to be served and fears that when a woman becomes empowered she will seek independence from him and threaten his comfortable lifestyle. But he may also realistically fear that she will not raise his children. Male dominance is not the answer but the question remains, how can a liberated, educated woman fulfil her goals and still be a devoted wife and mother? In my marriage I have seen that, with enough understanding and generosity between two people, it is possible to come up with creative and mutually satisfying solutions.

  18. Sandip Kumar Munda says:

    I could empathize with most of the points in this article.

  19. Niharika Deb says:

    Very well written really i appreciated what you’ve written. If every indian guy has the same mentality like you..then I’m sure certain things will change and improve…great thinking really very very impressive. Great blog 🙂

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